Wow!  2008 has really flown by! I’m sorry I haven’t updated in a while. I did well on my finals and will be home until I move into my new dorm hopefully Jan. 10. I also reserved my books for this semester yesterday.

Looking back this year has been good to me. Last fall I was dealing with a bad relationship that had caused problems with my family. Shortly after my breakup I found the Bold Grace blog and was exposed to the reality of God’s unconditional love. Even though I no longer believed in an eternal hell, up until that point I still believed God punished people for their bad actions and we were all accountable.

I can’t say I’m fully estabished in grace yet and to be honest I don’t think anyone completely is. There is so much to learn. I still have fears and doubts but I’m glad that won’t change God’s opinion about me. To be honest, sometimes I struggle with bitterness and resentment towards the evangelical church. I know this is very cliche but I really do hope to grow more in grace in 2009.

2008 also had me moving out of my house for the first time and voting in my first presidential election. Anyway here is a short list of goals I have for 2009.

1. have a more loved based relationship with God
2. be more patient with others
3. do well in school
4. lose 10-20 lbs
5. balance my budget
6. donate to Gospel Revolution

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Quanza, or whatever you celebrate!

Well, I had my most difficult finals yesterday and am relieved to have them behind me.  Only three more to go!

One thing I have definitely learned this semester is you really can’t map out your entire life. I was a criminal justice major and had planned to attend law school even though I had (thankfully) abandoned the idea of being a Christian right lawyer. I still believed I could use a law degree for good reasons. On top of that, I was going to be able to graduate college in three years thanks to the dual enrollment opportunity my high school had offered.

However, my heart now has other plans. Even though the classes weren’t too difficult and my professors were nice, I was downright miserable in my major. I can’t explain it; I was just bored and my heart wasn’t into it at all. It wasn’t the first time this had happened. When I graduated high school, I briefly toyed with the idea of majoring in biology to eventually go to medical school but decided against it before starting classes. I then majored in elementary education last fall but got bored with that as well.

After this semester I’m going to work towards eventually becoming a neonatal nurse. I had always been interested in working with babies but I had sworn after my high school science classes I would never pursue a career that involved science. Well, I’m now going to face my demons from my high school days and not let them hold me back from pursuing what I really want.

 The point of this post is, many people have talked about following your heart to know what to do. This sounds great but how do you know for sure what your heart is saying? Isn’t it possible to misinterpret what your heart is really saying? That has happened to me in other areas besides school more times than I can count. I would like to hear ya’ll’s opinion of how you figure out what your heart is really saying.

Well for some other good news, the GKO webcast is back tonight! Yay! If you’ve never listened before I’d highly recommend checking it out. http://www.glennkleinonline.com/webcast/guests/mwilliams.html

 

I know I haven’t updated much. I’ve been preparing for finals (starting Tues) and unfortunately dealing with a cold I caught last week. (ugh). Anyway, I’m glad this semester is almost over. I’m looking forward to moving into my new place and starting my new major.

There has been an interesting discussion on Bold Grace about why we all think so differently and come to different conclusions. Yesterday I met with a friend for dinner who plans to become a seminary professor. We had a great discussion about how they are so many translations of translations of the Bible. She told me how at the beginning of her Greek studies she felt overwhelmed and just wanted the truth.

However, I think we’ve both come to realize that there is a lot of uncertainty. Even though I still believe in God/Jesus myself, I’m no longer as sure about life as I once was. However, I’m learning more that it’s God faith that counts and not my own fickleness. I think if we all realize that God views us the same a lot of barriers could collapse such as religious/nonreligious, liberal/conservative, gay/straight, etc.

I’ve also began to accept the reality that I’m never going to be right about everything. In the past security with God meant having to “get it right”. Yes, I’ve heard many preachers talk about that. I was also taught that doubts were temptations from Satan.  However, is anyone really arrogant enough to think they really have all the answers and know everything? I know I was a couple of years ago but growing up I understand that I really don’t know everything. (imagine that)

A last thought I would like to share is the issue of what if there is no god? To be honest, I don’t worry about that anymore. Even if the idea of a higher power really is a fairy tale, I believe that living as if every person has been made fully right with God truly is the best way to live. So many of the world’s problems could be solved if we eliminate spiritual racism. http://www.gospelrevolution.com/spiritual_rights.htm