Well, I moved into my new dorm last Saturday. There are 24 girls on my floor and I’m enjoying getting to know them. I started classes this Monday. Even though changing my major is probably going to cost me quite a bit, I’m already feeling much happier in my nursing major. Hopefully, my state scholarship should increase in the fall.

I’m working on getting rid of some of my bad habits this semester. I’m trying to get to bed on time and I’ve managed to cut out soft drinks from my meals. I’m also working on not procrastinating my assignments ( I finished my statistics homework due next Wed today).

Yes, change was quite a slogan during last year’s presidential election. I know it has began to become overused but I feel it is especially appropriate considering America not only elected the first black President but one with a non-European name.  Regardless of one’s political views, I think that is something worth celebrating.

I remember President-Elect Obama’s speech after it was announced that he had won the presidency. I enjoyed hearing that there were no red or blue states, gay or straight, black, white etc. Obama promised to be a president to all people, even those who did not vote for him.

He has tried to live up to those words by inviting Rick Warren to give the invocation at the inauguration. Obviously this has caused a stir especially among gay and lesbian voters who, thanks to Warren’s efforts, lost their marriage rights in the state of CA during the election.

I am quite familiar with Warren even though I haven’t kept up with his efforts in quite a while now. The church I attended during my fundamentalist years (ages 12-15) had the entire congregation read his book The Purpose Driven Life. I not only read the book but I actually gave it to a cousin who does not attend church as a Christmas gift (I know. I was young and stupid. Sorry).

Unlike the older evangelists Warren gives a much sugary and sweeter tone to his message. In fact, the reason I had left the church that promoted Warren was b/c my dad started listening to Jimmy Swaggart who lambasted Warren for being “too nice” and using “quotes from pagan people in his book”.  Today I found a newsletter my parents got from the South Carolina Baptist Convention weighing in on Obama’s decision to have Warren give the invocation.

The two ministers in that article were glad that Obama was trying to reach out to those he disagreed with. However, many things in that article made me realize how truly different I have become. It talked about the “angry homosexual activists” and “traditional marriage”. Just last election I would have wholehearted agreed with them. Now I not only voted for the Democratic candidate for president and I’ve even attended a gay rights group on my campus. I hope to come farther along in my journey. I really want to learn to become gracious and kind even though I’m a long way off from that. Removing the attitude that certain groups of people are less favored in the eyes of God is change I can definitely believe in.

Wow!  2008 has really flown by! I’m sorry I haven’t updated in a while. I did well on my finals and will be home until I move into my new dorm hopefully Jan. 10. I also reserved my books for this semester yesterday.

Looking back this year has been good to me. Last fall I was dealing with a bad relationship that had caused problems with my family. Shortly after my breakup I found the Bold Grace blog and was exposed to the reality of God’s unconditional love. Even though I no longer believed in an eternal hell, up until that point I still believed God punished people for their bad actions and we were all accountable.

I can’t say I’m fully estabished in grace yet and to be honest I don’t think anyone completely is. There is so much to learn. I still have fears and doubts but I’m glad that won’t change God’s opinion about me. To be honest, sometimes I struggle with bitterness and resentment towards the evangelical church. I know this is very cliche but I really do hope to grow more in grace in 2009.

2008 also had me moving out of my house for the first time and voting in my first presidential election. Anyway here is a short list of goals I have for 2009.

1. have a more loved based relationship with God
2. be more patient with others
3. do well in school
4. lose 10-20 lbs
5. balance my budget
6. donate to Gospel Revolution

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Quanza, or whatever you celebrate!

Well, I had my most difficult finals yesterday and am relieved to have them behind me.  Only three more to go!

One thing I have definitely learned this semester is you really can’t map out your entire life. I was a criminal justice major and had planned to attend law school even though I had (thankfully) abandoned the idea of being a Christian right lawyer. I still believed I could use a law degree for good reasons. On top of that, I was going to be able to graduate college in three years thanks to the dual enrollment opportunity my high school had offered.

However, my heart now has other plans. Even though the classes weren’t too difficult and my professors were nice, I was downright miserable in my major. I can’t explain it; I was just bored and my heart wasn’t into it at all. It wasn’t the first time this had happened. When I graduated high school, I briefly toyed with the idea of majoring in biology to eventually go to medical school but decided against it before starting classes. I then majored in elementary education last fall but got bored with that as well.

After this semester I’m going to work towards eventually becoming a neonatal nurse. I had always been interested in working with babies but I had sworn after my high school science classes I would never pursue a career that involved science. Well, I’m now going to face my demons from my high school days and not let them hold me back from pursuing what I really want.

 The point of this post is, many people have talked about following your heart to know what to do. This sounds great but how do you know for sure what your heart is saying? Isn’t it possible to misinterpret what your heart is really saying? That has happened to me in other areas besides school more times than I can count. I would like to hear ya’ll’s opinion of how you figure out what your heart is really saying.

Well for some other good news, the GKO webcast is back tonight! Yay! If you’ve never listened before I’d highly recommend checking it out. http://www.glennkleinonline.com/webcast/guests/mwilliams.html

 

I know I haven’t updated much. I’ve been preparing for finals (starting Tues) and unfortunately dealing with a cold I caught last week. (ugh). Anyway, I’m glad this semester is almost over. I’m looking forward to moving into my new place and starting my new major.

There has been an interesting discussion on Bold Grace about why we all think so differently and come to different conclusions. Yesterday I met with a friend for dinner who plans to become a seminary professor. We had a great discussion about how they are so many translations of translations of the Bible. She told me how at the beginning of her Greek studies she felt overwhelmed and just wanted the truth.

However, I think we’ve both come to realize that there is a lot of uncertainty. Even though I still believe in God/Jesus myself, I’m no longer as sure about life as I once was. However, I’m learning more that it’s God faith that counts and not my own fickleness. I think if we all realize that God views us the same a lot of barriers could collapse such as religious/nonreligious, liberal/conservative, gay/straight, etc.

I’ve also began to accept the reality that I’m never going to be right about everything. In the past security with God meant having to “get it right”. Yes, I’ve heard many preachers talk about that. I was also taught that doubts were temptations from Satan.  However, is anyone really arrogant enough to think they really have all the answers and know everything? I know I was a couple of years ago but growing up I understand that I really don’t know everything. (imagine that)

A last thought I would like to share is the issue of what if there is no god? To be honest, I don’t worry about that anymore. Even if the idea of a higher power really is a fairy tale, I believe that living as if every person has been made fully right with God truly is the best way to live. So many of the world’s problems could be solved if we eliminate spiritual racism. http://www.gospelrevolution.com/spiritual_rights.htm

Hi, since I’ll be going home this afternoon I won’t be blogging until I get back to school on Monday. However, if you’re in the US, hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving. For the rest of the world, hope you have a great week.

First of all I want to thank everyone who commented on my first post. I’ll be spending the rest of the week studying for two exams and hopefully finding out who my new roommate will be. I’m moving into a cheaper dorm in Jan.  and looking for a job to alleviate the already high costs of my education. Changing my major from criminal justice to nursing is also going to keep me in school longer than I had planned.

Why do I bring this up? At the Bold Grace blog there has been a controversy over the role of giving and selling in the Christian faith. Growing up I was told that we were required to give 10% of our income to the church and any extra was an offering. However, when I started attending church youth group in my early teen years the pressure to give became greater. I explicitly remembering hearing the phrase “give until it hurts” from adults saying God expects sacrifice and the guilt trips.

Although this attitude made a lot of money for the church, it also left a bad taste in a lot of people’s mouths. The pastor and assistant pastor at my former church earned salaries higher than the majority of the people in the county and my dad really got ticked off when a representative from the South Carolina Mission Board told the congregation that our tithing and giving paid for his health insurance when most of the congregation including my own family can’t afford health insurance.

Obviously my view of giving anything has been soured by this. However, does this mean that asking for money is always wrong and evil no matter what? What about selling Christian books and CDs? I’ll give my own evolving thoughts on this on another post. Please give your own thoughts but keep them civil. I will delete rude comments.

I never thought I would get into the blogging world but here I am. This blog deals with the journey of leaving my fundamentalist faith while still pursuing a relationship with God. I’m going to warn you now that if you’re easily offended at differing viewpoints of God,religion, and other sensistive issues, then you probably won’t like this blog. But for people interested in sharing their thoughts and friendship, your input is more than welcome. I know this blog is not very attractive right now but I’m working on it. Have a great day everyone!